Fall is here, there’s a lump in my throat, & why is it so hard to set boundaries at work?

The leaves are changing colors, and the pumpkin spice girlies (including my boyfriend) are out in full force! Except for the reduced sunlight during the fall months, this season is probably my favorite. The cool air offers a nice break from the sweltering heat of summer and makes being outside more enjoyable. There is so much good produce in the fall, and I’m ecstatic to go apple picking. I’ve been thinking a lot about “moving with the seasons” and looking for parallels between the changes in nature and the changes in our own lives.

This season of life for me, and so many others I know, is a bit overwhelming. There are a lot of unknowns, questionable next steps, and a routine different from what we’re used to.

I have recently been noticing a feeling of anxiety washing over me, specifically in the evenings. Right as the workday begins to wrap up, I start to get this heavy feeling in my throat and chest. According to my Google search, one might call this a “globus sensation,” and it sucks. It feels like simple breathing becomes more laborious, which then causes me to freak out even more.

I keep trying to decipher what is causing these feelings, and my conclusion is that maybe it’s just this season of life. I am in the process of researching and applying to graduate school while simultaneously questioning if it’s the best step to take. I am working a job with a weird schedule, and no day is the same. I go back and forth between three rotating places, and some weekends I feel like I am living out of my car. If I’m being honest, I miss the simplicity of a set routine and established responsibilities.

In a recent conversation with a friend, we discussed the challenge of setting boundaries in the workplace, especially as new employees who are fresh out of school. We feel the pressure to perform as efficiently as possible and almost feel guilty for taking breaks to do activities like eating our lunch or using the bathroom. We lie on our timesheets because we don’t want to be questioned by a supervisor about how we’re allotting our time when, really, we are trying our best.

While I thought this was unique to new and young employees, I was unfortunately informed that the struggle to set boundaries persists for most working people. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, as the United States is known for having a “hustle culture.”

BUT DAMN IT, I DON’T WANT TO HUSTLE.

I want to work slowly and methodically so I can produce quality work that does not have to be reviewed. I’m not saying that I don’t want to work. I’m saying that we really should reflect on how much of ourselves we invest into our work, especially work that doesn’t leave us fulfilled.

As this season of my life might feel stressful, I am finding comfort in nature and the changing of the seasons. I appreciate the beauty of the trees and leaves as they change colors, knowing they will eventually lose their leaves. I find reassurance in knowing they will be green again and the flowers will bloom. As I move through the seasons of my life, I will change just like the leaves and take on new colors as I grow. I will fail and feel down, but I find comfort in knowing that I will find more ways to bloom again:

“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we sometimes did not taste adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.” —Anne Bradstreet

As always, take care of yourselves!

-Kat